did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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