You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
