what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
