You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
