can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
