I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
