Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
