did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
