I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
