miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
