Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
