so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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