i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
