weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
