11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I bet he comes in French.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
