Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
