i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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