I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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