hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
