3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
