One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
