those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
