Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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