nut hugger
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
