you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
