I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
