so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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