All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
