dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
