yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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