I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
