You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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