Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
