so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
