What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
