Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
