So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
