he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
