We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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