Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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