she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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