so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
