90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
