I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
