We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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