Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
