i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
