Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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