I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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