I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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