You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
