i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
