Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
